A while back a friend and I were talking about true selfless giving. The question came up can a human actually be truly altruistic? After all when giving to someone else isn’t seeing the joy of the receiver a benefit to the giver? What about the gratitude, recognition or tax break the giver receives?
He suggested I try giving without anyone knowing and without ever meeting the person or origination I give to. Made me think. During a busy week how often do I stop to think about someone else in need? Usually unless I am made aware of a food drive or receive a request for a donation I never think about giving except for the organizations I regularly give to. If no one reminds me or no one asks me, how giving am I really?
He also had another suggestion; give to the point you feel the sacrifice. It is one thing to anonymously donate money or things that I would never miss anyway, but to give to the point I am giving up something important to me is an experience I seldom consider. Can I give up a planned weekend away to anonymously give that money to someone who will never know I helped them? Can I do something like that and never tell anyone saying only that I changed my mind about going away for a few days? And is that really altruism?
I think these are great practices but lately I have been thinking about if true altruism requires complete anonymity and what constitutes personal sacrafice. I’m going to a party this afternoon to meet the recipient of a good friend’s kidney. My friend noticed a post on our company’s employee blog about someone who needs a kidney. It wasn’t written by the person in need but by a co-worker. When my friend read this she did a little research and then without telling anyone she started the process to be tested for compatibility. The surgery is scheduled for the end of the month. Today the family and friends of both the kidney donor (my friend) and the guy who will be receiving this amazing gift are getting together to meet and celebrate life.
I agree that altruism is about giving without getting in return but as far as I’m concerned willingly having surgery that will require weeks of recovery, giving up a part of one’s own body to a complete stranger is an amazing example of true altruism. Sure people, including myself, keep telling her how in awe we are of her compassion but I believe that her sacrifice and willingness to assume risk to her own life far outweigh any kudos she gets from others.
I am no longer convinced that a person needs to be completely anonymous to be truly altruistic. And actually I no longer care about how or why someone helps another. To me it is the intent that defines truly altruistic behavior.
A little about my friend: She is a vegetarian trending towards vegan, she donates an amazing amount of time to animal care organizations and recruits others (I’m a recruit). She volunteers at hospice, and she crochets hats for premie babies. The thing is that few people know all this about her. She doesn’t really talk about it.
Being vegan means respecting all life including human life. I can’t claim to be as compassionate as my friend but I am grateful for her example. I hope her example helps me remember, even before someone asks that others are in need and maybe I should stop for a minute from my comfortable little life and give back for no other reason than someone is in need.
Hi mate – thanks for liking my post today. It’s really nice to make your acquaintance. I certainly agree that giving should be anonymous if possible – in the sense it’s not done for status enhancement and the recipient doesn’t feel a debt of gratitude. As for working for causes we believe in, it’s slightly different as we get pleasure and satisfaction by doing what we do. If I feel better by giving my money to one cause rather than using it for something else I still gain.
My fave trick recently is to pretend I’ve already bought the Big Issue but pay anyway – that way I can give without having to read it
Sometimes giving can be a problem. I’m a creative writing teacher and tried to teach people for free but they mostly took the p*** and acted like it was a bit of a game. When folk pay for their tuition they work harder…
Regards, Dave
By: lowerarchy on September 16, 2012
at 1:16 pm
Don’t go to great lengths to prove to yourself (or anyone else) that you are selfless or altruistic. True, there are many different reasons to give, and this is why people feel compelled to show that they are giving for a good reason. But the most important impact of any gift is to the receiver, not to the giver. Rather than concern yourself with other peoples’ impressions of a gift, concern yourself with the needs of those around you. This is more likely to lead you to do the right thing.
By: Know Thank You on September 17, 2012
at 11:35 am
This is something I have been thinking a great deal about recently. I have actually utilized charitable giving to help me through a very challenging time in my own life… not only does it take the focus off of me and my issues and put things in perspective, but it helps me feel that every day- no matter how challenging it may be- is worth it because a positive impact is being made somehow. I decided to write about this in my latest blog post as a means of hopefully offering some support to someone in a situation such as the one I am in. Thank you for sharing your views
By: mmmarzipan on October 20, 2012
at 5:26 pm